Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
