I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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