So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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