ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life

  Fav 23 1233 3368

  share tweet
  

• (805): View more from California

  Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can be that talented

  Fav 35 6699 835

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (408): View more from California

  So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.

  Fav 13 895 6070

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?

  Fav 26 1572 6311

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

  Fav 10 5252 1291

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.

  Fav 9 3516 1298

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.

  Fav 14 4801 1278

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple

  Fav 4 1959 1120

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  A true beacon of hope in these dark times

  Fav 12 2548 954

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.

  Fav 6 1973 795

  share tweet
  

• (254): View more from Texas

  I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

  Fav 11 1452 715

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (574): View more from Indiana

  Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.

  Fav 2 683 531

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!

  Fav 1 462 332

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.

  Fav 1 254 537

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (701): View more from North Dakota

  After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.

  Fav 0 18 50

  share tweet
  

Randomize