so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
