Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
