He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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