I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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