I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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