Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
