I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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