Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
