Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
