Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
