I hate your face
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
