so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
