I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
