the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
