Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
