Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
