hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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