So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
