Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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