It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Randomize
