Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
