where does the pee come out of this thing
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
