Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
