I think my vagina is haunted
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
