There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
