Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
