allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
