you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
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Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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