I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love you. Go after that dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
