i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
