I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
