whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
