Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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