She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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