he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
