I'm gonna have a badass scar
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
