what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
