highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize