i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
