I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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