I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
