Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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