Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
