Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
