He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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