We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
