I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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