what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
