It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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