I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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