im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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