mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
