rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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