Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
