haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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