i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
