I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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