frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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