By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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