I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You took a bar mat shot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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