ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
