you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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