alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
