1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
