I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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