He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
