The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
