I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
