what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
