Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
