I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
