I want to stick my p in your. b.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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