She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
