you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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