He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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