nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
