just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
